The Christmas narrative in Chocolate

Talking of chocolate (see previous entry), I remembered this talk that legendary youth worker (and now super-curate) Matt Stevens gave a few years back at Yellow Braces.
If you can afford the confectionery bill involved (and can be sufficiently tongue-in-cheek to pull it off) here it is:

A girl called Mary heard a WISPA, from an angel (wearing a HALO) who said that she would be the Mother of Gods son. But how could this be? She was not yet married to Joseph. To have a baby now would be a TOPIC of conversation in the village. Joseph also heard of God's plan, but before the baby arrived, political events overtook them - Joseph had to return to Bethlehem for the census - it was miles away - a MARATHON (Snickers) journey, but Joseph thought the BREAK would do her good. When they arrived, Joseph tried to find lodgings, but CLUB after CLUB let them down - No room they all said. Eventually they were offered a little out house - it was
there that the little baby was born. He was named Jesus, which means Saviour. He was laid in a manger, lined with hay and STRAW (Sherbet straw!) That night, some shepherds, and DRIFTERS, heard TUNES in the sky. Glory to God in the Highest'. The shepherds decided to take a break (KIT- KAT) from looking after the sheep. Lets (GO?) and see what's happening in Bethlehem. When they were there they found the TRIO, Joseph, Mary and Jesus, who was lying in a manger. It was not at all a NICE place; smelly and dirty - not really a fit place for a maternity ward. They were however UNITED in their wonder, they REVELled at the thought that this child was special. Could this be just as the prophets had foretold - was this the LION of Judah? It was getting late, AFTER EIGHT, in fact - so the shepherds returned to the hills - huffing and PUFFIN and singing praise to God as they went. Meanwhile in a far country, some SMARTIES, wise men were busily scanning the GALAXY, when they saw a star near the MILKY WAY. Was it MARS? No it was a special STAR (bar) - signalling the birth of a King. They travelled long and hard and reached Herod's Palace - they were not embarrassed to HOBNOB with royalty. Herod was very interested - "A King has been born?" - He didn't believe them and called theM ALL TEASERS, but just to make sure - he tried to FUDGE the issue by saying that he wanted to go and worship the baby - and told the wise men to report to him on their way back. The wise men travelled until the found Jesus and offered their BOUNTY, GOLD, frankincense, and Myrrh. Then God warned them in a dream that Herod was up to his TWIX again, seeking the child's life. So they took the TIME OUT to return by another route. Now that's the familiar story - the CLASSIC tale, told at Christmas. It has little to do with reindeer and FLAKES of snow and robins and a baby in a clean crib decorated with tinsel. The original story was not that NICE. Jesus was born a refugee, he was a threat, a danger - don't miss the meaning. Jesus was born so that ALLSORTS of people might know God's love for them. Many people are looking for meaning and purpose - some kind of REFRESHER in life - a BOOST in difficult times. The Christmas Story really is cause for CELEBRATION, Jesus is no MINATURE HERO!