I was asked to scribble something about being a Dad for our Diocesan Newspaper, to contribute to a range of experiences. The brief was also to include 'Fathers day' and also to include the perspective of being the father of a special needs child. It ended up being one of those "Write frantically 'cos the deadline is today" sort of pieces.
This is how it ended up:
??Celebrating Fatherhood
While we make a big deal of Mothering Sunday, it's easy for us to over-look Fathers' Day, (originally St Joseph's Day) - 21 June. Here, father of three, Ian Macdonald, tells us his experiences of being a dad.
"The editor asked me the question, 'What does Fathers' day look like in your household?' My immediate thought was the apocryphal quote from a child who said: 'Fathers' day is like Mothers' day .... but you spend less.'
I'm not sure that we have any well established traditions. Oh, other than the boys are most insistent that on any special day (Fathers' day included) that I must cook a 'proper' breakfast for us all. This is one that involves eggs, bacon, sausage and all the trimmings.
I generally get a card or three and it will always involve the whole family gathered on the bed to open them. A present will be a weird and wonderful homemade creation (which I love) or a bottle of beer. My children are good at this as they reckon the sillier the name on the beer the more I like it, so they love choosing the likes of 'Waggledance' or 'Bishops Finger'.
In another sense, though, every day is 'Fathers' day' as I consider it such a privilege to be a dad. You never know what surprise, special moment or spontaneous event will occur in the midst of the challenges and endless tasks of being a parent.
My wife and I have three wonderfully chaotic and fun children ranging in age from fourteen to nine and are all quite different.
I also think I learn an enormous amount from my children. My daughter especially enjoys late night chats and I am challenged by her questions or insights ranging from the guinea pigs to theology.
My youngest boy loves the outdoors and I have to learn that connecting with him will involve being out on the skateboards or bikes even if I'd prefer to be inside with a beer and a newspaper.
The editor was also interested in what fatherhood means to me, especially being the parent of a special needs child (our eldest has cerebral palsy).
Being the father of a special needs child probably needs a whole essay in itself. For me, in the context of the disability my son has, it's a heart-breaking, life-affirming, doubly exhausting and a surprising source of blessing all wrapped up together. He often tells me 'It's not easy for me' and I have to encourage him to try or to take a new challenge.
This is even harder because my instinct is to protect but I know that he needs to find independence and that he will only be able to do this by getting out, exploring and learning without me to rely on.
In the last year this has meant retrieving him from 'missing persons' at a couple of events and one memorable occasion when he handed himself in at a police station. One of the great things about H is that he feels happy talking to anyone so going around town with him can be daunting but delightful. I've learnt a lot from him about being open to other people.
I think I see and experience fatherhood as an adventure; battling, laughing and encouraging on a mission to help my children to grow up into all God has made them to be. It is a humbling and exciting privilege with mistakes a plenty and a constant need to recognise they have grown into a new phase, where what worked and was relevant yesterday, no longer is. Trying to give the right level of boundary but encouraging opportunity is really hard to judge"
Loved it bro! God bless you and the fam and have a great day on Sunday.
I read this in the Door when it came out... Was wondering how your eldest ended up handing himself in at a Police Station - or shouldn't I ask?
now there's a story. He took himself into Town and went to the shopping centre. We didn't know until we had a phone call from someone from Church asking if he was supposed to be out on his own?
Any attempts to find him failed and we had a couple more reports that he'd been spotted.
Anyway there was no way he could walk all the way back home so he took himself off to the Police Station and asked to speak to a Policeman explaining that he really needed a lift home.
Thankfully someone in the back office new that he was connected to a church youth worker somehow, so they phoned the church and described him. the church phoned my wife and she collected him.
He and me had a little chat that evening about not asking permission, disappearing off etc etc which actually went soemthing like this:
H, I am very proud of you! You're grounded!!